The Aussies, The Brits and The people who let George W. lead 'em

One of my best friends sent me this today..i laughed. its funny. read below.


Aussie humour is just as famous as its barbies and Crocodile Dundee,
so it makes plenty of sense that Tourism Australia's newest campaign
plays on the idea of the plain-speaking Aussie with the catchy phrase:
"So where the bloody hell are you?" - complete with a girl in a
bikini, beers in a pub, Aboriginal dancers, camels and crystal blue
waters.
 
If you are among the thousands expected to make their way Down Under
this year, be it for the upcoming Melbourne 2006 Commonwealth Games or
simply for a dose of Aussie hospitality, you'll want to take note of
the questions below from potential visitors which were posted on an
Australian tourism website. The answers are the actual responses by
the website officials, who obviously have a quirky sense of humour.


UK: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow?.
 
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
 
 
 
USA: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
 
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
 
 
 
Sweden: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
railroad tracks?
 
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
 
 
 
USA: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
 
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
 
 
 
USA: Which direction is north in Australia?
 
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
 
 
 
UK: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
 
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
 
 
 
USA: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
 
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
 
 
 
UK: Can I wear high heels in Australia?
 
A: You are a British politician, right?
 
 
 
Germany: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
year round?
 
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.
 
 
 
USA: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum.
 
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.
 
 
 
USA: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I
forget its name. It's a kind of a bear and lives in trees.
 
A: It's called a Gum Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop
out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before
you go out walking.
 
 
 
France: Do you have perfume in Australia?
 
A: No, WE don't stink.
 
 
USA: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
 
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
 
 
 
France: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
 
A: Only at Christmas.
 
 
 
USA: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
 
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.