You love me!!You really love me!!

....either that or you're just really kepoh,huh?

so ok..for you people you got like no patience...tough shit, you still gotta wait till the new year to get my new blogger address..

meanwhile my darlings, sit tight and pretend my blog's like t.v...it's re-run time!

sorry i havent been keepin up with the posts. 2 reasons: a)work b)no more social life.

so!with the christmas and new year season looming upon us once again, i'd just like to say be merry people, and i love you guys and thank you so much for the lovely concerned emails i've been receiving regarding FAYKOT. thank you for reading. drink alot, party hard and have safe sex (AIDS plug).

I'll see you in the New Year!!!

xoxoxoxoxo,

stefling..

p/s- tyler, it wasnt supposed to matter what fish, you doinky doo!

So long and thanks for the fish!

This blog has moved.

The Tweezer.

amazing how 7 alphabets when joined together can bring to mind visions of pain and suffering that make even grown men shudder...

i know this might be a sensitive topic for all but let's face it: we think about it all the time; HAIR. whether its the lack of it, or its growing in too many places or it's too hard to manage, it is our constant reminder that we all have a little bit of animal in us..*grin*

for women, essentially, there's a)waxing, b)shaving, c) nair (ignore the blatant un-creativeness of changing that one alphabet and making it sound like "hair" but not really) or d) tweezing!

tweezing really is quite teasing..cos ya think it sounds okay, not so scary and BAM! the first hair gets pulled out and its like "YOU MUTHAF%$^%^%!!!!" cos it is quite painful. and no, its not less painful than a tattoo. at least i dont think so.

but it's worth it lah i must say. annndd i learnt new things..like what an iceberg is (when only one third of the hair is showing), and what a 2-in-1 is (2 hairs, one pore)..so overall i guess it was quite the learing experience..and my tweezer (the person, not the tool) was very patient with me..:P

ooh, im waiting for pictures from the purple palooza (wedding of the century) and i'll post them up kao kao kay? im so tired..twas like the four day wedding, then chauffered overseas relaatives here n there, then fell sick, then work got quite hectic, then fell sick again then went to s'pore for a day and now im back. phew.

i miss you lot heaps.

p/s- is anyody interested in mating their male poodle with my cin-cau?if not, im gonna go spay her.lemme know.

Ay Hiao Cho Lang..

its a hokkien term basically..its literal translation means to know how to be a person. means like to have manners lah..it pisses me off when people i know boey hiao cho lang (opposite meaning of title) cos see, manners is like, a two way street. which should be fundamental knowledge to the non-brain dead. unfortunately, this is not the case.

i find that the nicer i am to people, the more they take advantage..what the hell is up with that? then when i lose temper all, become miss bitch extrodinaire, things get done.

take for example, during the weekend. i'm all excited, cos during the week, i'm getting da new furniture in, to make da ol' house look like a home..kesian lah my poor friends who come and then have to sit on turquoise couch and boardroom chairs (also turquoise by the way)..so anyway, ikea movers came. they had to set up 3 cupboards. before they set up the cupboards, i told them to please let me know when they put in the sheives so i could supervise and tell them the right height (cos it doesnt make much sense for shelves to be too high and then cannot reach right anot??). nope. the idiots hammered in the shelves anyway. see, that pisses me off. cos i wasted precious moments of my time; they took me away from my favourite cartoon (foster's home for imaginary friends..oooh its soo good!), to brief them. so ok never mind, i told them lah that they hammered it in wrong so could they please adjust it to the correct height? and then the dude had to start with his nonsense "the display unit looks like that so YOUR cupboard should also look like that"..we shall not go into details but suffice to say, my cupboards are now allright.

example 2: security guards are meant to take care of our security. correct? ok , i tell you another story. my condo has changed security guard companies about 3 times now..i've only lived there barely a year. so everytime the change comes into play, the new guards have to like, show that they're doing their job lah..purposely more diligent in checking i.d, sticker,etc-etc..that's great. until 5 different guards start ringing my damn doorbell every hour (at ungodly hours like 2am and 7am). know why?cos they wanna catch me with my bra off..yah, its damn nonsense..and the girls arent even that big!sure, they give excuses like "oh,tengah buat apa?", and "kenapa tak lock grill?" (this is 10 minutes after i stepped into the house with about 7 grocery/ikea bags in tow)
so i gave it nicely to the unlucky asshole who came ringing yesterday at 2.53pm. he was the idiot inquiring about the unlocked gate. A) if you care so much about my safety, then your job is to keep unwanted people OUT of the damn building in the first place and NOT let them get all the way up to my 20-something floor! B) there are over 200 units in the damn building and you gotta ring MY bell 2000 times a day? C) fuckers.

example 3:i despise laziness. especially at work. i try to be nice and fair to everyone i work with; clients,suppliers, colleagues. i really do. because i dont like to nag and chase and pressure. because i believe people should have pride in their work. because i believe there should be an iota of common courtesy; to have a feeling of urgency and respect between the two parties. unfortunately, once again, that is taken advantage of and there are many who mistake the niceness for weakness..so out comes the bitch.

p/s- plucking coconuts really doesnt seem like such a bad idea right now..

eh darling, if you read this, sorry i meesed karaoke!!soon, soonn kay?

Social Fabric --ation?

In this day and age, do different people have a different set of basic principles or do you reckon we all essentially believe in the same basic rights and wrongs??

I was talking to a really good friend and I never would’ve thought that she would condone cheating. We were debating the topic for hours (we’re not actually that lame, its just that we have certain close friends who are currently going thru a crisis of the same nature) and I totally tried to dispute and dispel her horrible notionlah, y'know? She stood her ground and left, with me agreeing to disagree with her.

Then tonight as I was doing the dishes with my fantastic dish scrubber stick and tesco dishwasher (don’t bother with the branded ones, this is just as good) I thought to myself...if she could think that way, does that mean that people all have different opinions on different topics?

I know you’re going “duhh..” but then if people can just justify away cheating; "because he couldn't decide which one he liked more" or "she was confused" or "she was being a real bitch and was asking for it", then what about stealing?what about rape?murder?

I’ve seen people justify away stuff just cos the person doing it is their friend…hmmm…points for loyalty, I guess..

Maybe everyone is cool with everything until it happens to them..

4 freakin Weddings and im ready for my Funeral..

i've even gotten my prepared answers which are polite enough to satisfy 'em but ambiguous enough to stop their bloody nosing..who's 'em? 'Ems are relatives, acquaintances, cousins who are married, usually people who've got nothing else to live for except a) talk about married life b)sell marriage to their friends/younger relatives c)talk about babies or d) gossip. and they're ALWAYS at weddings. These people make marriage sound like bein in a bloody Kappa-Lambda-Gamma sorority or something. if i ever, EVERRR become like that, SLAP ME TWICE AND SHOOT ME. (excuse the language, im usually not so vehemant but wahliao eh, when you're asked like, 22 times the following question: "soooooooo...when's your turn??", i think its fair that one feels just a wee bit disgruntled, dontcha think?)

i really really love that Howie Day song, Collide..just put it on repeat.. its good..like hair-raisingly good..

bowling with advertising people is incredibly different compared to bowling with accountants..its interesting how jobs mold personalities...also very very funny!=D

there's this shop in low yat that sells the best selction of foreign films that i've seen in awhile..so basically i spent all holidays just vegetating on couch with babes and we just watched t.v...we went from japanese: the fall guy, to old-skool cult: dazed and confused, to animation: belleville rendezvous, to pretty people borderline porn but not quite: lie with me (t'was crap but eric balfour's hot), to traditional chinese hamlet ripoff: the banquet. it was a good holiday.

i miss my brother. i miss yan.

i sooo need to get my phone and ipod and camera and aircon fixed..skinny says that technology comes to me to die...the only reason she's still alive is cos she set up my surround sound system for me..not like i couldnt do it myself what..*mumblemumble*

the only thing worse than going to a karaoke and having to listen to out-of-tune people sing is having the karaoke come to you! for the past 3 days and counting, this little shack downstairs has been blaring old chinese songs but what makes the experience more excruciating are the tone-deaf ignoramuses who take turns to sing the same song...3 times in a row. (if you're hokkien, you'll know the ever famous "ji see keeeeeee, ji seeeee lokkkkkkk" song....yeah..you also think i have the patience of a saint right??:P

And to sum up..

So there was this dude, and he drilled a hole thru the earth from the north pole to the south to see if he could drop a rock all the way thru..(please dont interrupt with some newton theory that becos of gravity the rock wouldnt drop thru yada yada..just indulge me wouldja?)

..so after he drilled the hole, he asked one of his dude friends to stand at the south pole lah, y'know?to see if the rock would come thru..so he threw the rock of the north pole into the hole and something weird happened..the rock didnt come thru the other end...

Question: why didnt the rock fall thru?

Answer: the rock fell one foot...
*scroll people, scroll*






two feet...







three feet..







four feet...







five feet..






and when it reached 6 feet, the orange rock eater ate the rock....



oh come on...it took skill and patience to spread this "joke" across three posts..the least you could do is laugh a little..?please...?*blink* *blink*

the VORTEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Question: What's orange, lives 6 feet underground and eats sand?


it's soooo pwettyyy...


check out the false confidence..and the pretend macho-ness...but if you look very very closely..you'll see our corneas wavering ever-so-slightly..


kris was screaming "why isnt this damn thing stopping?!!!!". i, on the hand was as cool as a cucumber..


...ok, so not really..my palms were shaking and for some reason, we couldnt stop sweating..that was quite weird..


by the end of the ride, krissy's makeup was on my face..and my saliva was on her's! check the hair man!bloody hell..


still in one piece..


the teddies applauded silently.

Answer: orange rock eater on a diet.*grin*

(Photos courtesy of JuAn Inc.)

writer's block.

Question: What's orange, lives 6 feet underground, and eats rocks?

no sentences today..hell, even random words are a stretch..there will just be plenty of nodding and smiling..if you're lucky.:P

funfair,saturday, awesome.vortex.supercool rollercoaster. today.voice gone.blue black all over.dunno how. must've been the g-force.

sunday.appeased mother.shopped. for her. me? purple dress.themed wedding.dont wanna talk about it.

today.tired. duhh.

multiply annoys me..or maybe i annoy it.

peaches is coming to s'pore.

see how brain is dying?must sleep.sleep is good.

oh, and i bought a mop.

Answer: an orange rock eater.hahahahahahahahhahahahahahha...

claustrophobia.

i'll bet not many people living/working on a high floor have ever thought of what they'd do if all the lifts stopped working. it's ok,its never crossed my mind either....till today.i pressed the lift,no light came on.i pressed it again. no change. pressing it again would seem ridiculously redundant to some but when one is slightly frazzled, alternate plans of exit tend to be harder to come by..(keep in mind i was late for work).so press press press press press....nothing.

As the grueling thought of having to walk down 20-something flights of stairs sunk in, something happened. i believe it was something the Christians call "A Miracle". the lift doors opened. so basically out of 3 lifts, only one was working. well, almost.
the damn japanese made contraption stopped at every f*(Y%^%^ floor!!! (it takes about half a minute to stop at each floor, so do the math)

the only thing to do was to check out the cutie who was in the same predicament as i was..he was about 4, clinging on to his guardian's pants for dear life and commenting on everything, as kids do. the older gentleman seemed very nice..like a grandad,y'know?and we got to talknig and he told me that the little man's entire family was deaf and dumb. imagine what it must be like to be the only speaking/hearing one in an entire family who can't...there are no words (no pun intended)..

as more people came into the lift, their attention shifted from me to them...and i started to find difficulty breathing (closet claustrophobic, you see)..which reminded me at that moment that getting stuck in a lift is kinda like getting stuck in a relationship that you know isnt good for you..the same difficulty breathing, the same lack of space, the same feeling of helplessness..one basically has two choices..suffocate and die or get out and go down the fire escape..yeah sure, the fire escape's scary cos you're alone and it gets dark sometimes,but at the end, you see the light..and your freedom..

Don't shit where you eat..

Just don't..it leaves a bad taste in your mouth..

it's a HOT day!!!!!

i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee HOT days!!!they're brilliant cos they make you feel like a million bucks!!WITHOUT SURGERY!

i'm really quite sure you've had at least one..a hot day is when EVERYYYYYTHINGGG goes incredibly right in your life in a particular day, you know what i mean?? its like you dont quite know whats happening and why everyone suddenly thinks you're gorgeous, smart, charming and witty all rolled into one on this blessed day but man!!!milk it!milk it!!

annnddddd of course the best part of the day are the "THE" people. the "THE" people are certain people that you find cute/sexy/intelligent/add in appropriate adjective--basically people you wanna call friends but dont because you might wanna get it on with them someday..but i digress..so you get what im saying anot?its a powerful powerful force, the HOT day...i hope you get one of your very own, very soon..

but be warned..HOT days come on their own. they cannot be forced, they cannot be planned. they just come. and when they do, all you really gotta do is wonder if the perfume you're wearing has some sort of lust potion..and then just sit back, be the irresistible person you are and enjoy..

the 'EX'-factor.

yellow my dumplings!how've you guys been?good?its been awhile..and let's see what's happened:

- ciggies gone up by 40 bloody cents..(dunhill/marlboro pek besar). my new strategy is to only smoke on the hour.1pm,smoke,2pm,smoke..and so on and so forth..we'll see...

-the eye is making tremendous recovery..went for two follow ups and turns out, i CAN wear contacts again!!!in two months,yay!!so naturally, in my excitement i went to buy NOT ONLY new contacts, but CAAARRRER CONTACKS AH!!!(you know lah, all chinese girls very heng wear caarrer contack one what!got green caaarer,grey caaarer,haaney caarrer..)

- the speedzone rave sucked. Luckily i had mr. green for company.


thats juan and ends trying to prop my head up..not at my classiest that night,im afraid..*blush*

-i've learnt a new word..verisimilitude...it means the appearance of being true or real..man, the english language is great..my first 6-consonant word..bring that scrabble board out baby!

hokay, so now that we've gotten the zzzzz stuff outta way, lets talk about sex....er..i mean, ex.

we read about justin and britney, demi,bruce and ashton and of course, who can forget the whole brangelina/anniston split? then we tell ourselves "its hollywood". well, at least thats what i used to tell myself. these past couple o'months for me has been like being in tinseltown itself.. the screams, the stalking, the threats/black mails, the constant analysing, the tears, the physical punches...no, its not from some new action movie..it's real life.

Lately i seem to find certain wonderful friends of mine who are normally intelligent, attractive and brilliant turn into worried, wobbly pieces of jelly when they happen to bump into their ex. Others run the other way. Some pretend not to notice their ex, even when the said person is standing right in front of them. And some of the really kepoh ones?They ask friends, who ask their friends, who hear from OTHER friends how their exes are doing..and by the time the story gets back to the original fella, his ex is made out to be a Medusa who sleeps around and stuffs her boobs and drives badly...or something to that effect.

i guess i dont understand it. i mean, if you've loved someone before, then how in the world does all this ugliness manifest?where'd the love go?shouldn't it evolve into a certain understanding that the relationship didnt work so just wish each other well?why the bitching?(and trust me,lately, it seems to be coming from the guys..metrosexual my ass lah, if you start bitching about your chick then you've bloody turned gay and havent realised it lah wei..)

ah well..life's too short innit? so if you happen to be feeling a lil lousy..click here -->i like you
:P..coffee soon..

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive. -Anais Nin-

I miss her. No, its not her anniversary because I block out when that is.. and its not her birthday.and i dont think i need an occassion to remember or to think of her. its taken me 3 years to be able to speak or write about it.it'll take me many more to come to terms with it.i havent done anything for fear of it sounding insincere or cheesy or worse, not doing justice to her.but this i'm doing because i hope that people start appreciating their life more and stop sweating the little things in it.because thats what she taught me.

Sometimes, I get a jolt of fear because I have to stop or look at her picture to remind myself exactly what she looks like.because im starting to forget. I remember us eating keropok every time I used to visit..i remember loooooooong phone conversations over boys, over school,over anything really…but I cant remember her phone number.

I remember her first date with her one and only love..because I was there..she made me go with her..one-utama..i don’t remember which movie..to this day I feel honoured.

I remember she was cranky as hell in the mornings (janda baik,janda baik), and she liked yellow flowers. I remember and will always remember that she was kind and sweet and funny and intelligent and wonderful. She could also be incredibly cranky and indecisive. i remember she used to take eye lash curling to the next level. And she had the highest pitched voice..:)

I remember how strong she was.and how stupid and selfish I was.i cant remember the fight.for the life of me, I cant remember the fight.but I do remember that I was childish and cruel. and I didn’t get to say good bye.the two worst things ive ever done in my life. i remember our last conversation.

I just miss her more during these months..

We just celebrated juan’s birthday..you would’ve loved it. I forgot to wish yan on her birthday and she was really nice about it,now she doesn’t have to wish me for the next ten years..haha..guess being the shit friend I am, you kinda expected me to forget yours huh?well, I did.and im sorry. You don’t have to wish me for the next ten years either. I hope you’ve been doing good mixing with the likes of River Phoenix and Elvis and Marilyn..and by the way, good job on the whole looking down on us thing.we love you and miss you and we’re are oh-so envious that you will forever be a beautiful goddess while we grow older each year..*GRIN*

Happy Belated Birthday and the next time I visit, im bringing the keropok.Love you girl..

R.I.P. Q.C.

OBVIOUSLY I WAS GONE ON THE MEDS..

please ignore previous post. writer is and will be forever apologetic. please also note that said post has been deleted and shall never see light of day again. it was the drugs that made her do it.

writer was down with flu for better part of the week (i.e. antibiotics and lots and lots of panadol)and on tuesday (after 2 months of putting it off) realised her right eye was blur. she went to 3 different optamologists and this is her story:

tuesday: went to U.H. parked at level 4A. Had to walk down 2 levels to the elevator whereby one could get banged down by cars coming up ramp. there was no staircase. everyone had to do that walk up and down those ramps. (strike 1). reached elevator. had to take elevator to level 2A. From level 2A, one has to walk through the trauma unit, the onkologi unit (we'll go with b.m spelling here shall we,just to make it alittle more interesting?) and the burn unit..(strike 2)...to get to another elevator at level 2. take THAT elevator to the ground floor. at the ground floor, look for delifrance and next to it will be the oftomologi dept. (i.e. optomology dept...how the hell did they get in an "f" in optomology?) naturally the signages were crap and i was thinking if a person was really sick or something, they'd feel even sicker,really..i remember going to do an assignment there 10 years ago and it looked newer than its current status..where the hell is our health budget going?

so, i finally reached the blessed oftomologi department (that "f" seriously bugs me man..) and i have to take a number. to take a number. no, it aint deja vu, thats what ya gotta do - take a fucking number to register, to get another number! (strike 3) so i waited..and waited...and waited...after about an hour and a half, the nurse finally comes out to tell me, "eh, doctor is doing operation lah, you wait ah!" "how long will it take do you think?" "you just waittttt.." "no,i've been waiting for ages, how long?""err..about one hour, like that lah.." (in doctor speak, that means at least another 2 hours..) (strike 4 and i'm out!)

wednesday: decided to go see Lim Eye Specialist in SS2. you only have an hour window of opputunity to go make an appointment and on wednesday it was between 4-5pm.iwas there by 3.45. still had to wait about 45 minutes.go in for eye check then wait another 1/2 hour. then they called my name. to go from the waiting room to wait outside his door.then i finally got called in. he does not look up as i go in. i wait.he does not look up for the next ten minutes to greet or anything.he continues looking at his damn computer which at that point i am ready to pull out of the damn socket and stuff up his arse..along with the poker thats already in there.but i breathe,and i wait. finally he looks up at me then looks at his note card which the nurse summarised my condition on. he immediately asks me "you wear contacts?" "yes" "you can take your contacts and throw them away forever!" (in my brain-"what the..?") "yes, you come and do lasik with me"

at that point im thinking, all doctors are fucking fuckwits but this one really really takes the cake.by the end of the 2 minute consultation, he not only DIDNT manage to tell me what was wrong with my eye but also managed to fit in the words "lasik surgery" about 5 times. he told me my eye was irregular. i was like "huh?whats that?does that mean its scratched?" "no. it's IRREGULARRRRRRR"he condescendingly said. i didnt know whether to laugh or cry. he charged me 150 bucks. i cried.

yesterday: decided enough was bloody enough. went to the big boys. TUN HUSSEIN ONN EYE HOSPITAL. im too tired right now to go into the details but suffice to say that even though i had to wait 8 hours to see the doc, he was wonderful. Dr. Pall Singh. annnnnddd there was this cute male nurse who put me thru this really trippy eye machine that swirled around and had pretty lights..that was quite cool..


trippy eye machine.

turns out my right cornea is as scratched up as a vandalised car. after many years of contact lens usage, the eye gets dry.(dont worry, thats normal,every contact lens wearer knows this)but mine just got dry-ER. hence every little bit of dust that went in or when sleeping with air con ended up scratching my cornea so thats why i was losing my eyesight. so, no contacts indefinitely and no driving for at least 2-3 months..3 eyedrops that taste like shit and a fucking eye patch!!!i look like a bloody extra from the pirates of the carribean..no,actually, not even that cool..its more like Arnold Swarzenegger in his 2nd or 3rd installment of the Terminator...you know, with that weird metal plastic thing...oh woe is me...


im gonna bring eye patches into fashion man, just watch..*grin*

footnote:dont go to the ss2 one.he sucks.big time. and i hate dissing people. but hes really shit. hes like a big fucking bleary eyed chinaman who wants to print money more than he wants to help people.ANNNDDD he has my surname. ughhh..

we've got i-pod jeans but we cant make brushing teeth easier?!

we do..the jeans are going to sell for us200 bucks and it comes complete with earphones, pocket with click wheel and a red ribbon so the pod doesnt fall out..dumbest thing i ever heard..

so i was trying to brush my teeth this morning and let me tell ya, there is nothing more frustrating than trying your darndest to squeeze out toothpaste from an almost empty toothpast tube..i mean you've got the crusty bits all at the top, and so the gooey toothpaste in the bottom wants to be let out but the crusty part wont let it..so then i tried to let it build pressure so it would pop out the top in one big spurt but all that came out was a dissapinting drizzle, (harder than making a certain male appendage do the same thing, let me tell ya!) all this while the faucet was on and for some reason i get nervous when the faucet's on cos of the whole save the water thing so i proceed to drop my toothbrush, the toothpaste that was on it naturally slipped off onto the floor, i slipped on the damn toothpaste and bumped my head. All this before my a.m. cuppa joe..sighhhhh....

annnways,work's been shit..good shit though cos it means im not running the company into bankruptcy,right?(yay!two thumbs up) and oh yeah, went to a pole dancing party last weekend..now, i say pole dancing but it was more like a stage set up with a couple o' coat hangers more than anything else, but kudos to their marketing cos the turnup was great..the wannabe dancers, however, weren't..ok girls, reminder lah k?let's just go thru this one last time..slutty is not sexy..its a very very fine line that you must not cross..cos if not, then im sorry, you've passed the Angelina Jolie stateline and hit Pamela Andersonville.

by the way,cut my hair..how ah?ok ah?im using way less shampoo so i guess its a good thing..:P


shit man, so vain..

littering - disgusting act orrrrr creates jobs?

driving me: eep! i cant believe you just threw your empty cig pack out the window!thats terrible!

passenger her: you throw your ciggie butt out the window dont you?

me: yes..but..

her: so if you throw your ciggie butt out the window, and the government is already hiring road sweepers to sweep the road, would it really be so difficult for them to sweep up a ciggarette box?

sighhhhhhh...

i understand that..

..wisdom doesnt neccessarily come with age..

...people who are stupid usually try to sound smart and people who are smart usually try to act stupid..its ironic..

...both people in a relationship need to be incredibly thankful that they have found each other and try to maintain that because the moment one of them starts thinking they own the other person and tries to control them...thats when it all goes downhill...

..good friends are the best remedy to any bad day. saying that, they are also very, very hard to find. cherish yours.

...trust is not a given. secrets ARE sacred. and the secret-teller usually finds out if you've told.

..to have good friends, you need to be one yourself.i dont think many people get this.

...it is vital to be sensitive to other people's feelings and less sensitive about yours. the people who care about you shouldnt care if you fuck up and the people who do, arent your friends.

...i'll always,always take the path less travelled.it's more interesting.

...i will never EVER go shopping during the Great Malaysian Sale. one can get hurt bad.

...nowadays, sometimes, you gotta be the parent and your parents become the kids.

And Finally,

Everybody's bitchin' about somebody..you dont wanna get left out do ya?:P

fOR aLL tHE wOMEN sURFING tHE rED wAVE...(thanks su-su!)

Dear Kotex

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch
of Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

a.. Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
b.. Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
c.. Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
d.. Try Kotex's other products blah blah blah...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.

Like we need more fluid inside our bloated hellish bodies...but go ahead. See what happens.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-friggin-tee that the first respondents will be females who just ovulated.

Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what , the only activities that interest me are sleeping and eating...and oh...does ripping someone's head off count as a friggin activity?????

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out sh#t advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that is already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running for other brands.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time.

DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.

Put that sh#t in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.
So take your tips for living, your fluoro packaging, the smiley faces & the cute bunnies that need to be smacked hard, and shove them right up your ass.

Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS
(courtesy of leishababe)

they're supposed to be terms of affection, not sound affected!

so i was talking to a really good friend of mine last night and we go wayyy back and i say something and he goes "its fine,hon". it's not the first time he's said it or anything but last night it triggered this thought, different people sound cool saying certain terms of affection...some people are just really really bad when they say terms of afffection..i say, work on it..let me elaborate..

DARLING - very popular. can be cut short to darl, there are other variations like dahlink (with pretend russian accent) but i've also heard variations like dahleeeng oiiii (in a sing-song voice..*cringe*) or the ever-popular LAH-ling...

Baby - ok, this one is a total favourite of mine cos when it's said right....mannnnnnn..but of course there are the alternate variations which, well..WILL NOT MAKE YOU SUCCESSFUL IN BRINGING A WOMAN/MAN BACK TO YOUR PLACE FOR COFFEE...i.e. baybay (said with put on accent) or baybeh (said with put on African American accent!)...please, you are not black, you will not be able to fool other people into thinking you're black...(i've referred to a few sources and sadly the majority have come across a person like that at least once in their life..)

Honey - definitely prefer the short form on this one..usually used by gays or flamboyant fabulous older women...but as we've seen in many Cantonese movies (especially from the late 80's..can you remember those?) (with a whiney whingey voice) "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaneeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy ah...lei tim kai mm pei ngo huey chek?*pout*
[translation - honey, why won't you let me go with you?*pout* (ok, it doesnt do it justice,i apologise, its a cheena thing)]

shit..i just found out opium ripped my sweater..damn dog..

russell peters is one amazing mother!!he's hilarious!if you get a chance to watch him..do..he's funnier than eddie murphy in raw!(yeah, i know..)

a good friend brought back a piece of the berlin wall for me..how amazingly cool is that???definitely one of the best presents i've received this year..he's definitely one of the girls now!!:D..

i never thought kicking balls around could be that hard....after all, isnt that what women do all the time?*grin*

HAH!YOU DISBELIEVER!! YE OF LITTLE FAITH!!! IN YO' FACE SUCKARRRRRRRRR!

sorry, i was merely speaking to that infidel otherwise known as my brother...i told him i was going to play futsal and he laughed..out loud!well!!! i showed you didnt i?oh suuuuree my legs are aching and i'll probably never have babies but hah!i sure showed you!whose got the last laugh now eh????

got pictures to prove somemore..*smug face on*



got sweat?


ok, so i didnt actually get any proper photos on the court itself....but this totally counts!!


constipation is a killer..

Eyes Wide Shut. (18SX-SEXUAL ELEMENTS PRESENT)

the funniest thing happened to me this morning at about 3am..ok, but first you need to know that ive been sleep deprived ok?i mean, the goal last night was basically to sleep..thats it..that was my plan..really one..

so anyway, my phone rang, the number was private. i thought maybe it was one of my friends needing to have a chat so i picked up. the lady on the other end had an english accent and she told me she was from elite modelling and had i ever heard of the organisation before..now anyone who knows me knowss i hate being awoken from sleep, especially when i havent slept in days...so i'm all like "yeah, ive heard of you" and she goes "oh great thats fantastic cos we're recruiting models". (see,this is how young girls get conned) so im like "why are you recruiting models on the phone?isnt it like kinda vital that you, y'know, take a look at them first? (i mean, like hello!)"

she goes on to tell me that many women have the presumption that models have to be tall and beautiful but they actually dont...then she asked for my vital statistics, if i've got any tattoos or piercings or birthmarks..and then it got interesting...she asked me the following:

1. how many sexual partners have you had?
2. what is your favourite sexual position?
3. how big was the biggest guy you've ever been with?
4. what was the best sex you've ever had?
5. what race were your sexual partners?
6. what are your most sensitive parts?
7. would you do a threesome?

there were more but i've forgotten them on account of me being sleepy..so she goes on to tell me they organise these private parties and rich men come and pay and you're not obliged to do anything, its a controlled environment and the security is tight....riiiiiggghhhtttt...so anyways, after kepoh-ing and finding out everything, i just told her i wasnt interested. she said she would call again to check if i had changed my mind...she was a nice girl, it was a nice chat...but HOW FUCKIN DODGY IS THEIR ENTIRE SETUP??geeezzz..what if young girls pick up, man?how the fuck did they get my number?and why the fuck am i so sleepy??

whole lotta crazy shit happening in the world today..

Z is for Ztupid Zidiotic Zumbass!!

1-1. 5-3. Additional time.Headbutt into chest. World Cup 2006. Italy wins,France loses.Stef loses many lunches and much money.

Right, now that that's over and done with...

life is just brim full of experiences isnt it?i can never for the life of me get how some people can say "i'm bored". its a concept that frankly, bores me...or maybe im being too harsh..maybe i just happen to be an incredibly lucky/unlucky person that weird things happen to...hmmm..

IN MY BRAIN..
blunts at 3 o'clock in the morning..must've been good stuff cos i could suddenly understand mandarin...hahahahahhahhaha..

i love men because they can change tyres.women need men to change tyres.definitely.

how do i know which dvdR to buy?dvd-r or dvd+r?why did they have to make it so difficult?got burner,then can burn lah!sigh....

cafe 69 is an awesome place..it's very subdued,very 70's..and they've got like a palm reader dude and a tarot dude who tells you your fortune and stuff..and they have the BEST char koay teow...THE BEST!!

the ritual..

catching each other's eye across the room....


small talk and sideways glances...


if all goes well..

revisited a common pastime that is inherent in all Chinese - karaoke-ing. i must say that it is a completely different world in there..never noticed it before, but there are alohhottt of broken hearted people in there cryin and singin and drinkin..suppose it's a good way to let everything out..i got my inspiration from the peanuts..one bowl cost RM15..i was ready to cry also man bloody hell..the wifi connection was good though..(yeah, i know..what the hell was i doing in there with my laptop?:p)


this is zoe..the girl hates makeup..so sunday i decided to give her the smokey look..hot right?!!after that cannot stop posing for the camera..:D


hahahahahahhaha..i think pictures like these truly show the comfort level between the people in the photo lah..



how does one little ant manage to cause this?

well, thats it for this week's show and tell..bro's back in town..gonna chill with him for a while..

The Class System.

When one thinks of class, one's mind immediately travels to days of Old England where a person's social standing was generally determined by being in one of 3 main classes; upper, middle or working/lower. The Class System is of course, still practised today albeit with not as much restriction (no "Off With Their Heads!" should a rich person want to be with a poor person) but definitely just as much ignorance, i think..

wanna hear a story? last weekend, i went to a wedding. it was in a beautiful ballroom, in a beautiful 5-star hotel, with beautifully rich guests. the age median was about 55 (even though the bride and groom were 28 and 30, respectively). for some reason, the dinner was not the usual 8 course chinese dinner. it was a buffet with different counters for different food set all round the ballroom. In theory, this would actually have been a fantastic way for guests to mingle while they went to get their food. Unfortunately, in real-time, it was chaos.

So oklah, there are like 10 counters right? 1 counter got roti jala, naans, curries, another counter had dim sums, another one had roast beef and yorkshire pudding, another one had sushi and sashimi, there was a tempura counter and a local fare one as well (char koay teow & fried rice)..very posh right? wrong!!yours truly had to wait 20 minutes for a measly serving of char koay teow followed by queueing another 15 minutes to get 2 tiny siew mais (reminder:5-star wedding)...but i digress, that story's for another entry, its just i got hungry thinking of all that lovely food not being eaten by me....anyyyyways..what i was going to say was that it's always interesting to see how hungry people react to food...even the upper-class...there was queue-cutting, blatant grabbing of all the prawn tempura(leaving only eggplant and ladies fingers) by one lady and all-out hogging of the entire counter (when a person stands directly infront of a counter so they can "book" whatever food they want first)...classy, huh?

Lemme tell you another story..2 weeks ago, my car couldn't start. I was at one of the petrol stations in Centrepoint and it was late. I turned the ignition twice and the sorry sounds that came out of her are not ones i want to remember. There were about 3 shabbilly dressed mat motors still loitering around and i started to leetle-beet panic lah..then one of the fellas started walking over..lageee panik..he got closer..i didnt bloody care if the place was gonna explode or not, i took out that damn handphone and started to dial..he knocked, i dropped my phone..."Miss, you takde air batteri lah".. fast forward 20 minutes later, my car was as good as new..Zamri not only filled my very,very empty battery water thingy, but he also replaced whatever lubricant i had to replace lah..all with the help of his two friends..lovely boys..and i found out later that they didn't even work at that station!they were just helping me out!

So, in the old days, one could tell which class a person belonged to from their accent, their clothes, their interests, the way they raised their children and what kind of food they ate. if you think about it, things haven't changed a whole lot. the question is..does the class a person is in really determine how classy that person is?

Life is such an experiment...

..ya never quite know if its gonna blow up in your face or if something unexpectedly beautiful and new gets created...

so as i get ready for bed having enjoyed wonderful company plus tapas for dinner which is as usual 'muy delicioso' (gracias La Bodega!), i cant help but wonder about different worlds..do they collide or do they absorb each others' mass and become one?

or perhaps in the end it just boils down to chemistry instead of physics...like you might be from totally different planets but as long as both of you dont got anything stuck up Uranus (i know you're stifling a giggle) and are willing to like, give and take and understand and talk it out and call each other things like cupcake and poochie-poodles or applecheeks then its all good..

10 worst songs in the history of mankind

This blog entry doesnt end. Feel free to add to it.

1. My heart will go on - Celine Dion.
i break out in rash everytime i hear that infernal wailing.

2. Numerous songs - That "beep" "beep" frog
music videos, ringtones, screensavers..it's a frog!!!!an ugly frog!!AAnnnddd he's not even real!!

3. Lemon tree.

4. Anything by Air Supply. (i apologise to the people in Puchong or Kepong.i know how much you guys like your Air Supply)

5.

too pooped to ponder..

i definitely think that weekends and weekdays should be reversed..like 5 days of lee-lacksing and 2 days of work...man, that'd be awesome..but then again, being the complicated homo sapiens that we are almost certainly ensures that we'd be dissatisfied with that too, sooner or later...so i guess it's most probably for the best that things remain as they are..:P..velvet was awesome this weekend..stayed till the lights came on and man..suddenly alot of good-looking people became ugly..including a haphazard stef desperately trying to pretend as if her makeup wasnt melting..geezus..to be a woman sometimes..

speaking of human beings..i looked it up the other day..and i F.O.T.F.C.I.L.(fell off the fuckin chair in laughter). the definition of human being in the Oxford AMERICAN Dictionary: a man, woman or child from the species; distinguished from other animals by superior mental development, power of articulate speech, and upright stance.

Superior mental development - For an entire month, grown people will be watching 11 other grown men kick a ball around a field. (pardon moi, cheap shot, i know)
Power of Articulate Speech - whoever came up with this definition obviously has not met my friends on a saturday night.
Upright stance - this is pretty much the only one i agree with. wow, guess we ARE better than animals.we have upright stance.

i recall speaking about malaysians being shy in a previous blog entry....NOT WHEN YOU HAVE A DOG!!!!!hooishayman..taking opium around?instant celebrity-ness!from nowhere, i'm like minding my own business when suddenly.."ma!!" "ma!!!" (and the shreaks get louder and more piercing by the way)and when the mother finally replies "whattt???" the kids are like "doggy!!!can i play with the doggy??" (yours truly, by that time, will have inched herself slowly but surely towards the exit...oklah actually, it'd be more of a brisk walk-run), or like yesterday, when i was at my local bintangwang sipping on a hazelnut latte...i met 9 people,no joke! they just keep coming up...it's like im not even there! i mean this is like THE breakthrough answer for shy people (orrr men who wanna meet women!but for gawd's sakes don't lah go and buy a poodle/shitzu type k?not unless you see yourself being part of the Village People..)

ok, i cant keep it in any longer..i've just bought the kurt cobain journals!!excited doesn't even BEGIN to describe how i feel..

Human Trafficking.

- After the illegal trade of drugs and weapons, human trafficking is the most profitable criminal act in the world today -

go see the movie. i was tempted to say women ESPECIALLY, but i've changed my mind. I feel that EVERYBODY should go watch it because whether we want to blind ourselves to it or not, it does happen. Watch it,then read this entry.

Underaged girls and boys(yes,boys too!) being taken away from their families against their will to become sex slaves. Their ages range from 11 years old to 21years old.They do not get paid, they do not get to go out, most of them do not live more than 4 years because they are either worked to death or contract diseases; anything from hepatitis to H.I.V.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that i'm pro-sex. i think there's a reason that prostitution is the oldest profession and i also think that porn is neccessary. However, i'm also pro-choice. And it shits me to know that there are human beings doing this horrific, gruesome, appalling thing to other human beings and profiteering off it!And do you know why they continue to do this?Because there is D-E-M-A-N-D for it.(C'mon people, Economics class wasn't that long ago)


DIANA ELIZABETH DUBON
DOB: Oct 14, 1992 Sex: Female
Missing Date: May 22, 2006
Age Now: 13 Height: 5'0" (152 cm)
Weight: 100 lbs (45 kg)


EMILY JUAN
Case Type: Family Abduction
DOB: Oct 21, 2003 Sex: Female
Missing Date: Sep 5, 2004
Age Now: 2
Height: 2'3" (69 cm)
Weight: 19 lbs (9 kg)

THINK IT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE?
'Malaysia is a destination, and to a lesser extent, a source and transit country for men and women trafficked for the purposes of sexual exploitation and forced labor. Foreign trafficking victims, mostly women and girls from the People’s Republic of China (P.R.C.), Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines, and Vietnam are trafficked to Malaysia for commercial sexual exploitation. Some economic migrants from countries in the region who work as domestic servants and as laborers in the construction and agricultural sectors face exploitative conditions in Malaysia that meet the definition of involuntary servitude. Some Malaysian women, primarily of Chinese ethnicity, are trafficked abroad for sexual exploitation.
The Government of Malaysia does not fully comply with the minimum standards for the elimination of trafficking; however, it is making significant efforts to do so. Malaysia is placed on Tier 2 Watch List for its failure to provide evidence of increasing efforts to combat trafficking, particularly its failure to provide protection for victims of trafficking. ' - U.S. State Dept Trafficking in Persons Report, June, 2006.

So this is a plea to all the men out there: Please sirs, if you happen to travel to Thailand or the Philippines or even Malaysia..please make sure....ok, fuck this. it's stupid and if a guy's horny and sick then nothing i'm gonna say here's gonna make any difference, is it??

But i can say this.Educate your family.Your brothers, your sisters, your girlfriends, your children. Teach 'em to grow up smart and not end up like some Paris Hilton wannabe (even she's not that stupid!). Because Gen- Y'ers, this is our world. We are going to inherit it someday. And we should not be celebrating people who pretend to be stupid, or people who live for fame and glamour, or people who want to be stick thin or people who sell children for money!if you had to teach the future generation today what would you say?

better start preparing...:)

Easy Like Sunday Mornin'...

" What??Change the speed limit to 60?ohhh surrreee, a few lives will be saved but thousands will be late!" - Homer J. Simpson

This weekend was one of the best i've ever ever had..cos everything just fell into place y'know like..."trinnnnnnnngggg" (picture tinkerbell waving her wand or flapping her wings or whatever..)

it was perfect..mainly because instead of one huuuge event taking it all up..it consisted of many many intimate small moments..which to me are amazing cos big moments can be replicated anytime..(hell, as long as you've got 500 bucks and a place to party) but i love the small moments..like when you're sitting at a cafe with good friends and you're desperately trying to get into the entire football pandemonium/phenomenon even though it annoys you like hell...or roaming the ss2 area trying to tempt a good friend to get her damn pug...or having a quiet dinner with a galpal who you havent seen in awhile, or having an old friend call you up on his one day stopover in k.l to have drinks, or having a close bud tell you he's going to war (ok,actually that one's a little scary,please pray for him if you believe in God;alternatively, drink for him because i dont think they have alchohol where he's going!)or going grocery shopping with somebody and then cooking with that somebody, and of course, being online again with you guys..(maccie got fixed,shes better than ever!)...*blissful sigh*

didja know that policemen in Milan are dressed by Armani?how fucking cool is that?thats one way to stop em from taking bribes..i mean, if YOU were wearing Armani, would you stoop that low?Wait, we're in Malaysia.Scrap that last line.

i also want to celebrate Sir Roger Vivier, creator of the stiletto. Where would i be without you, O great exalted One*!!He's got a store under the same name and a single pair or shoes there can cost up to 16,000 Euros!i would give my right hand...

*(in no way are any or all fragments from the sentence above related to the Bible,the Quran, the Torah, the Buddhist bible, any other religious record,book, volume, publication, parchment-with the whole Da Vincci Code hoo-ha, one can't be toooo politically correct,no?*sigh*)

hmmmm..i see a mahjong session coming..

A Series of Unfortunate Events..

06-06-06 - The remade version of the Omen came out yesterday. Having that knowledge haunted the 5-year old in me because that Damien kid was scary-wei!!!Anyways, pushing that thought to the back of my mind, I decided to proceed along my day as per usual...and that's when everything started going wrong.

1. My MAC,my baby, my life...died..tried resusitating her but to no avail..3 years of photos, songs, work..GONE.

2. My car couldn't start. Sent it in to be serviced, the guys there told me my engine kong-kiawed. Had to change the engine.

3. My cedit card bill came in...enough said.

4. A heel broke off my favourite pair of shoes.

Crazy shit...with so much bad karma surrounding me i had to do something quick.
So, i bought her...



Ladies n gentlemen..it is my esteemed pleasure to introduce you to Opium.

I cant believe Dana dies..

have you ever played the i-never game??it's a great party game..everyone kinda sits in a circle and then some one starts.. "I've never driven a kancil before". Whoever HAS driven a kancil before has to drink. And then the next person says something and so on and so forth..i went to this party and needless to say, after a few rounds, you start learning stuff about the people around you (not neccessarily U-Rated)...

when did it become alright for public toilets to start charging RM1 or more to pee??because thats what i got conned into paying the other day as i was trying to scurry over to the toilets in low yat plaza..now why i say "conned" is because thats exactly what it was..a huge con!i mean, for a fucking dollar, i expect my punani to get wiped by like, gold sheets of paper painstakingly pressed and softened with moisturizer after i have arisen from my throne (yes, it should be an actual throne) made preferably by OSIM. And then naturally i would want to wash my hands with luxury soaps flown in from a little town in Paris called LE-eew llaa fhuriec or something, and then have them dried with cloths sewn by nuns in a little abbey who actually went blind because the cloths had such fine threadcount.

but no such thing happened. in fact, there was little to differentiate the normal RM0.10 toilet with this supposed "premier" toilet. But i suppose i should not be disgruntled, after all this is most probably Malaysia's latest plan to improve the economy..its a pretty good plan actually..get the foreigners in to spend on our toilets!it makes perfect sense now..and they're doing it in stages too..jusco, then klcc, then midvalley..now low yat!its just amusing how they have the gall to spring on a signboard that says "Premier Toilets" and then expect people to pay a thousand percent increase...for cleanliness!its like, they were most probably having their big important meetings and then one fucker decided "hey, to increase revenue without us actually having to think, let's just keep our toilets clean and have people pay!!they won't know what hit them!they're so fucking deprived that when they see the clean toilets, they'll be so impressed with us!and grateful!so let's charge 'em!!let's charge em big, boys!!!!now let's go to the karaoke, that mimi wanna love me long time!"

fuck right?cos you know its most probably true.

Ramli and Me.

We have a love affair that goes back years and years...i remember when my virgin mouth touched his meat..succulent, not too salty and just the right colour...sighhhh..my first Ramli burger...*grin*

so last last night, after pushing my patience quotient to the core by not ramming a hot poker into my client for killing my creativity, nay, killing creativity in totality, i decided i needed HIM. R-A-M-L-I. He always knows how to make me feel better. So off i went to get myself a little somethin' called "burger ayam special"....ahhhh..heaven..

now you guys are no stranger to the ramli phenomennon especially if you're malaysian so i dont gotta tell you how yummy one is...i'm quite sure that you have your own personal experinces with that little burger too..y'know, studying for an exam, or after clubbing, or a night out with the guys..it's amazing..while waiting for my burger to cook a few other people came up to the stall and placed their orders, a Chinese man with his two sons, two Malay bikers, an Indian boy holding his football protectively in his arms... this little burger stall, with no frills and two teenage boys for cooks, actually brought Malaysians together..no race difference, nothin'. Just a few hungry people dressed in clothes they normally wouldn't wanna be seen in, having burgers. united and smiling.

Maybe our government should take a page or two outta my man's book...instead of those damn annoying slogans they have every year before Merdeka like.....like......wait gimme a moment........uh........."to know Malaysia is to love Malaysia?"...no wait..that was a Visit Malaysia slogan....hmmm....i gotta get back to you on that one...

See what i mean?they think one slogan every year encourages unity?HOWWW??? I've read somewhere that a sense of nationalism stems from 3 things; shared political history, shared cultural heritage and common outlook and ideals. From stories heard from my parents,i believe Malaysians used to share all three once-upon-a-time..before extensive corruption, senseless development and what seems to be an invisible cape of greed, shrouded us.

and that's why i love my ramli...cos he's there to give you a glimpse of days gone by...where a RM 2.50 burger can cross so many boundaries and for a good ten minutes, life is perfect.

hermit or hoop jumper?

y'know, friends constantly ask me why i dont go out nowadays. (And i 'm sorry, i dont mean to make this another self-indulgent blog entry since there have been so many of late and you guys have been the patientest people ever..but you knowlah..self realisation/actualisation/whatever it is that bugger maslow called it takes time one mah..wise fella, that maslow..)

ok, back to going out..i have a list and this list lists reasons as to why i dont go out.

1. i've moved out from my parents' therefore i HAVE freedom..and peace..and my own ASTRO. dont need to go out and get it.

2. erm, i work. hard. and that precious commodity i work hard for sometimes doesnt stretch to cover my expenses i.e. expensive dinners, etc when i've already spent an embarassing amount on shoes.

3. i AM going out. Just not with you. *grin*

4. My home hasn't had water supply and i havent had a proper shower in 4 days.

5. My home flooded and i've spent the last week getting it back in order.

6. My home hasn't had electricity in 3 days. I am grumpy and dehydrated from all the sweating. i 'm doing you a favour by not going out with you!

7. doing the horizontal tango.

8. laundry,dishes,groceries,ironing,gym.

9. i'm going out with afew Mr./Ms. Maybes and hopefully one of em will turn out to be Mr./Ms. Right! (yes, i'm not ruling it out)

10. I have to write in my blog to tell you in black & white why i can't go out because apparently subtility is lost on people nowadays..things have to be clearly and specifically spelt out so there's no hard feelings..mannn...those bloody hard feelings..chiak par siew eng i tell you..

as you can tell, these aren't exactly reasons one can blurt out when a friend invites one out. so please, keep in mind the next time your friend turns you down for a night out...it's not personal, they just have their own lists that they keep to. (with the exception of number 3 though, if its number 3 then i suggest you try to be a) nicer b) more considerate or c) less cheap)

i'm so parched..

i havent had water supply in my home for the past 2 days..i woke up this morning..i couldnt brush my teeth, take a shower, wash my face or have my 2nd cup of coffee..let's not even get me started on taking a dump..

last night, i slept a total of 2 hours because the fucking emergency truck that supplied water to our building made such a ruckus pumping out water for other people..one question though..why the hell are people still pumping water at 3am in the morning?is it just kiasu-ism or are they insomniacs with nothing better to do?

to make things worse, i think my fish are mocking me..they swim in their tank of clear water just laughing up bubbles at me...wahliao..i think im starting to see a mirage...a beautiful island floating on evian, with waterfalls bubbling up perrier and about 6 hunky firemen dancing around a fire-hydrant (they're most probably gay)...hey, a girl can dream cant she?:P

annnyways..in between water rations, i made my way to the ever wonderful night market in ss2...that place never ceases to amaze me..i counted one tit-bit stall..i reckon he's got like 100 types of different snacks displayed there..can you imagine the clearing he's gotta do every night?after that i nearly tripped over a beggar, nearly got arrested for buying cds..NEARLY being the operative word cos the guy was so quick in hiding his wares that by the time the cops/mppj came it looked like me and vcd guy were just good friends lending money to one another...tee hee..it's amazing how calm he was when faced with stuff like that..he did all of it; hide the cds, put my cds in a bag, gave itto me, took my money, gave me change (and a discount) and lit a ciggarette all in less than a minute..which goes to show that brilliance in people can be displayed in the most unconventional ways..

by the way, i understand that by having a blog i am opening myself to all kinds of critism from people who have their own opinions on how to live life, but if i may..let me just give you a gentle reminder that if you think that this piece of electronic parchment sums me up then i suggest you stop reading blogs altogether and go meet some new people..in real life..and try to learn these words; pinch of salt, life is short, seize the day, sense of humour and UN-learn these words; presumption, assumption, rigidity..k? and then maybe you'll know a little bit about me..oh yeah, and the next time you wanna cross the line and ask me something asinine about my personal life just cos you feel you have the right, please remember this: ask a stupid question, you're gonna get a stupid answer..

Its like being in a grocery store..

labels people labels...thats what we're shooting the breeze about today..i know we've been down this road before but everytime i tell myself that this is gonna be the last time that i write about it some asshole just opens the whole can of worms again...

its like why do we confuse the issue so very much by labeling everything?i mean, yeah i remember studying about how labels help people to identify with a certain group or rather, come to terms with one's own existence but what if sometimes, there's no concrete label?like, what if some dude invented a particular can of food made out of chicken,beef and fish and it tasted really yummy but he couldn't bring himself to sell it cos he hadn't come u with the perfect name to call it?wouldn't the world be short of one yummy dish?(yeah, i know im going off on tangents here but if you'll let me finish..)

so, bringing it back to people....sigh...i guess i just wished there weren't so many derogatory labels that distracted us from seeing the real person,y'know?these are some of the more negative ones i've heard.....spinster, divorcee, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transexual, impotent, cheater, bitch, and the list goes on..

which one have YOU been labeled?do you even know?would you want to know?

my point is that at the end of the fucking day, do you really wanna die in your little box with your life just so?dontcha just wanna go out there and just get to know that yummy can of unlabeled food?

Clarity..

you try to figure it out for such a long time, you question, you wonder, you're mystified......and then, like the matrix... it hits you,the smog clears...and you get it.

and it is so much better than you have ever ever imagined. but at the same time, it fucks with your mind because now, you have a choice to make.before anyone's feelings gets compromised. before you get compromised.

and you wonder if its actually reality you're facing or if its just a way to deal with not dealing with reality.

life just always has a way off throwing you off-balance sometimes, huh?*grin*

The Showernator.

You know how you come home at the end of a long day at work and you just wanna take a looooong shower with cascading water down your back to relax your incredibly tense muscles?hmph..I have no such luck. If there were a prize for the worst shower in the world, it would belong to me hands down...i mean, showers are called showers for a reason, its main purpose to "shower" water onto a person!mine should be called The Trickle, because thats what it does..it trickles water and what should be a relaxing 20 minute shower turns into a struggle to get shampoo/soap outta places!Aiyoh..lagi stress i tell you..
Santa, if you're listening,thats what i want for Christmas, k?

Niki Chow the Child Woman.

Now why would you name your record that?I mean, if I were like, a famous Canto pop singer (which im assuming she is, since her posters are pretty much plastered all over the streets of Hong Kong!)i'm sure there are at least a dozen other names more appealing than "The Child Woman". And it wouldnt even be so bad if there was more elaboration on the posters but there isn't..its just Niki Chow, the Child Woman...i mean, i guess she COULD be a child woman,or a woman child but there's really no need to go telling everyone about it is there?but it must be pretty good advertising since im still thinking about it now so kudos to you, Ms. Niki Chow Child Woman!

Other than interesting advertising that i didnt get, Hong Kong also had so many splendid little quirks that i thought to be incredibly charming and quaint.Not my favourite place to visit, but did bring home some memories:

THE 9 MOST MEMORABLE THINGS ABOUT HONG KONG.


the night skyline..skylines are always one of my favourite things about any city and i reckon Hong Kong didnt dissapoint...the picture's abit shaky though cos it was taken while on the ferry



Hong Kong's convention centre..is it just me or do all Convention Centres sorta look kinda similar?Spent 3 and a half days straight in this building so its definitely one of my favourites now..



Day 2 of convention: one of the directors took us out to taste a typical "hongky" meal..let's just say it was like eating mushy meatballs with rice..



you cant see anything in this picture becasue it was taken swiftly (i didnt wanna get caught) as we were taken upstairs to an imitation bag "showroom". The picture has not been messed with, that is actually how dark the stairs were. At that point in time, i seriously thought we were being kidnapped.it was awesome.



old skool coke..



wahliao..this story could make you cry..its really long so just ask me the next time i see you..



ok, what d'ya reckon this is?dont peek at the next picture lah..aiyoh..



ok give up?its like this cool silicone gripper thingy that you use to take hot pans or plates outta the microwave or oven and it totally doesnt get hot!its briiliant..totally foresee the market to be flooded with these babies in the next month or two..



eggballs!(they look suspiciously like a certain kaya desert that we have here,dontcha think?):P

hokay..tired liao..nites..

The KrisCus Weekend..

'MehhRee Age- An age where people get tempted to get married.'

Wahliao..i dont think i can explain in words how it feels to have a best guy friend get married..its quite surreal really, like, it hasnt really sunk in but you kinda know that nothing's ever gonna be quite the same from now on..

Putting that aside though..it was a smashing weekend..from the Marcus church wedding to Kristine's birthday dinner followed by dancing/drinking the night away to the beautiful hotel reception the following night. A picture's worth a thosand words and all that jazz so just scroll down lah ya?


THE CHURCH...(to me it was blasphemy having to get up at 8am on a Saturday morning...without coffee somemore!)


Subang most probably ran out of Kleenex when it came to them saying their vows to each other..


The beauty of this wedding was that it was so simple and yet so meaningful..even though the choir didnt have, like matching robes, their voices said so much more..


Bumping into LeeLian was lovely..hadnt met up with her properly in gawd knows how long..Pui Yan flew back all the way from UK,bless her soul!


Finally!A proper group shot of us after so very very long..we're missing 2 tho'..


THE NIGHT WITH LITTLE SLEEP...i.e. krissy's smashing shindig!


Putting a slight twist on the ol' cake..ala mode style!


The passion they show for technology brings tears to my eyes..


birthday chic n married man..


in my brain i reckon we look ALMOST cool..hahahahha..


the last sober shot of the night..

OKAY, INTERMISSION..(IMAGINE ELEVATOR MUSIC IS PLAYING..)

we're experiencing a little techinical difficulty with the rest of the wedding pictures so in the meantime..please enjoy (drumroll please)a little something i'd like to call....THE MANY FACES OF PUI YAN!!!!!!




RIGHT..NOW BACK TO DAY 2 OF WEDDING..SHERATON SUBANG...


group and bridal couple..


yes,its a funny face photo but let me tell ya somethin'...i reckon it was partly our prawn dish also lah..see, during the prawn course..the waiter had a plate of king prawns in one hand and a bowl of what seemed to be a bowl of transparent sauce..he confidently pours the sauce over the prawns and starts serving us until we realise the bowl of sauce? its the bowl of lemon water meant for rinsing your fingers!totally the highlight of the night!


ahhhhh...blueetooth...what was life before you??


picture a party of 6 glamorously dressed to go to the mamak..first time in my life i was offered a menu and was called ma'am!that waiter had incredibly comedic timing, i tell you..

Perspective.

Ever get days where you get so damn stressed and you wanna scream your lungs out?And then you go outside and see this:





can't be that bad if there are still things as beautiful as this..have a good week..

Fuck Face.

Some people wear 'em all the time, some don't even know they have one on, some are just born with one..

Let me elaborate. Y'see, meeting new people can be a scary thing. Growing up, i was always told that its easy for me since the gift of gab is pretty much one of the only gifts i've got..But there are people who have had to overcome this serious problem of shyness or the feeling of intimidation when they meet new people..that's still fine, especially in Asian culture where society is generally not as vocal as our Western counterparts. But in that process, i think us Asians, more specifically, KL-lians have developed this thing called the fuck face. The fuck face is a tricky thing because you never really know if the person you're meeting is just born with one but could turn out to be the loveliest person in the world OR just be putting on the fuck face for your benefit when you meet.

You know how it is..you go to a club, you're meeting people and there's allllways that one person who gives you the fuck face. When you're introduced, she/he gives a limp fake smile and then just doesn't smile or look like they're having fun the rest of the night..wait, now that i think of it the fuck face isn't just limited to the face. Sometimes, it travels and ends up affecting the person's personality as well. Like my experience last night, was out with my girls having a brilliant boogie night down at a certain club when Cranky* shows up. (Keep in mind that i've been introduced, had a conversation and even partied with Cranky before) So i'm all excited to see a friend and she, meanwhile does the fuck face turns to me and says "have we met before?" (*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of said person..hey, even bitches have a right to live)

its just annoying lah you know?and yes of course there's the possibility that she did forget me because she was drunk on the numerous occasions that we've met before or hell, maybe i'm just not that memorable but i'm 100% sure that's like a 0.0000001% chance.

ok, i admit that i HAVE fallen prey to the fuck face a couple of times in my life. But sometimes the fuck face is a necessary and recommended shield against people like Cranky. Weird huh?i reckon maybe it just has to be controlled usage or doled out in small dosages or something..hmmmm...

FoOD POISoNInG

Ugh..the throwing up.. the glucose water..the coffee without milk..the dizziness…Some of you call it Sunday morning recovery but I’ve got food poisoning..knew those damn prawn wantons were kinda suspect..oh well, this’ll make it easier for me to find a dress for marcus’ wedding I suppose..(marcus=good friend getting married)

got a call from two good friends, "mates" actually (aussie friends are always mates) and they were speaking to me on a banged up line telling me how they drove from the coast to the whitsundays in 24 hours...(it was supposed to be a 9 hour trip)..somehow one old junk car broke down so they had to get another old- junk and drive the remainder of the way..so they had just arrived and were so high in the sky (we're seriously talking lucy in the sky of diamonds and bob marley here!)that i didnt get the full story..but i got to thinking how much i miss doing crazy nonsensical things like that for no apparent reason, y'know?im all f$%%^ mature now (at least most of the time)and its different..its safe..don't know if thats a good thing..

everyone's an expert lah when it comes to analysing my blog..i've gotten comments that ranged from "you think too much" or "girl, since when you so deep?" to "why don't you ever say anything about me in your blog?" And i love it. I'm glad someone's got an opinion on this piece of pixelated parchment that i put some of my thoughts into. Because i do think alot. I just don't over-think. And more importantly, i hope i'm making you think. I hope you relate. And it really doesn't matter what kinda opinion you have when you read the entries, just as long as you have one.

GO EAT AT DRAGON-i!!!!!3rd floor One Utama...very very very good food...especiaLLY the siu long paos (steamed dumplings that squirt juice into your mouth...you actually have to get a number to get a seat so i suggest you make reservations before you go..even their deep fried eel and fried beans and chicken with curry leaves..EXCEPTIONAL!!however, my appetite did wane slightly when i saw their lighting..maybe the interior decorator was a gay male who hadn't seen one before so when he did up the place he didnt realise till it was too late..


i don't know..you tell me..isn't it kinda....obscene?

Household Questions

i'm a spaz and i need help.really.

1. How long do eggs last in your fridge?i bought these organic ones and last night i tried smelling em and they smell funny. it might just have a stronger smell than ordinary eggs or they mght actually be bad..they've been in there about 3 weeks.help.please.

2. how the hell do i connect my sony speakers to a non-sony dvd player?

3. whats a comfortable couch?i've been on heaps but i cant decide on one to purchase. the variety is endless!fuck.

4. how can i clean/wipe/laser dirt off my mac?i've tried everything!help.

do not laugh at my questions man..cos i'm sure somewhere in the back of your mind, u got your OWN list of un-answerable questions..

Strength.

I went rock climbing on saturday. I've been wanting to do it for the longest time and so although i knew absolutely nothing about hard masses or climbing (except maybe when it comes to the opposite sex...)i decided to give it a go!So fastforward 2 hours later, firmly secured in our harnesses and equipped with the knowledge of how to tie a sexy 8-knot (i dunno, the trainer was very insistent that our knots were sexy, if they weren't pleasing to the eye, he made us do it again..i reckon he spends too much time alone..)my friends and i conquered NOT ONLY the beginner's wall but ALSO the 5A wall..(the crowd says "ooooohhhhh" "wahhhhhhh")....annnnyways..suffice to say that i am now a huuuugeee fan of climbing..its really empowering (regardless of whether you're a man or a woman), it gets your stamina up, its incredibly fun and you really have to push your limits and your strength.


courtesy of JuAn Images Inc.


courtesy of JuAn Images Inc.

So yesterday, as my aching shoulders, chest, back, abs and arms re-cuperated..i got to thinking about strength. To be more specific, inner strength. I dont intend to make this a huge feminist spiel but i just wanna make my peace with that, men may have more physical strength but i think women have more inner strength. I remember a tv scene that just stuck in my head for some reason and it had a woman and a man in the scene. The man was trying to understand what it was like to be a woman. The woman said to him " Take all your clothes off, write 'FUCK ME' in huge words on your chest, open the door, walk down that crowded street, if someone fucks you, you take it with a smile and ask if they would like to do it again and if they don't, you say 'thank you so much for your time'.That's what its like to be a woman in the world today."

Darling men, please dont get all huffy and run to your mommy. I love your kind way too much to hurt you or want to ridicule you ever. But please keep this mind when you go out with any of my kind tonight:

1. Respect. Always vital.

2. You go down on her. Yeah, you heard it right. If all you're doing is the missionary and you think those moans are for real, wake up. They're not. (And by the way, don't EVER EVER tell her she has to have hair removal treatment. Make up a story. Like "Baby, you know i heard on the news the other day that if you dont shave down there, there's a 65% higher chance of fungal infection."

3. Don't be a woman. There's a fine line between giving in and being a pussy.

4. We know when you're whiny, when you're cowardly and when you're cheap. Do not mistake politeness for stupidity.

5. The more you control your woman, the more she will think of cheating of you. Yes, even the nice,quiet ones. You wanna know why there are less reported cases of women cheating on their husbands?we lie better.(Inner strength remember?)

I dont mean to insult, ridicule or belittle anyone. To me, this is truth. Even though most people won't say it.

Happy Relationshiping Everyone!