Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive. -Anais Nin-

I miss her. No, its not her anniversary because I block out when that is.. and its not her birthday.and i dont think i need an occassion to remember or to think of her. its taken me 3 years to be able to speak or write about it.it'll take me many more to come to terms with it.i havent done anything for fear of it sounding insincere or cheesy or worse, not doing justice to her.but this i'm doing because i hope that people start appreciating their life more and stop sweating the little things in it.because thats what she taught me.

Sometimes, I get a jolt of fear because I have to stop or look at her picture to remind myself exactly what she looks like.because im starting to forget. I remember us eating keropok every time I used to visit..i remember loooooooong phone conversations over boys, over school,over anything really…but I cant remember her phone number.

I remember her first date with her one and only love..because I was there..she made me go with her..one-utama..i don’t remember which movie..to this day I feel honoured.

I remember she was cranky as hell in the mornings (janda baik,janda baik), and she liked yellow flowers. I remember and will always remember that she was kind and sweet and funny and intelligent and wonderful. She could also be incredibly cranky and indecisive. i remember she used to take eye lash curling to the next level. And she had the highest pitched voice..:)

I remember how strong she was.and how stupid and selfish I was.i cant remember the fight.for the life of me, I cant remember the fight.but I do remember that I was childish and cruel. and I didn’t get to say good bye.the two worst things ive ever done in my life. i remember our last conversation.

I just miss her more during these months..

We just celebrated juan’s birthday..you would’ve loved it. I forgot to wish yan on her birthday and she was really nice about it,now she doesn’t have to wish me for the next ten years..haha..guess being the shit friend I am, you kinda expected me to forget yours huh?well, I did.and im sorry. You don’t have to wish me for the next ten years either. I hope you’ve been doing good mixing with the likes of River Phoenix and Elvis and Marilyn..and by the way, good job on the whole looking down on us thing.we love you and miss you and we’re are oh-so envious that you will forever be a beautiful goddess while we grow older each year..*GRIN*

Happy Belated Birthday and the next time I visit, im bringing the keropok.Love you girl..

R.I.P. Q.C.

OBVIOUSLY I WAS GONE ON THE MEDS..

please ignore previous post. writer is and will be forever apologetic. please also note that said post has been deleted and shall never see light of day again. it was the drugs that made her do it.

writer was down with flu for better part of the week (i.e. antibiotics and lots and lots of panadol)and on tuesday (after 2 months of putting it off) realised her right eye was blur. she went to 3 different optamologists and this is her story:

tuesday: went to U.H. parked at level 4A. Had to walk down 2 levels to the elevator whereby one could get banged down by cars coming up ramp. there was no staircase. everyone had to do that walk up and down those ramps. (strike 1). reached elevator. had to take elevator to level 2A. From level 2A, one has to walk through the trauma unit, the onkologi unit (we'll go with b.m spelling here shall we,just to make it alittle more interesting?) and the burn unit..(strike 2)...to get to another elevator at level 2. take THAT elevator to the ground floor. at the ground floor, look for delifrance and next to it will be the oftomologi dept. (i.e. optomology dept...how the hell did they get in an "f" in optomology?) naturally the signages were crap and i was thinking if a person was really sick or something, they'd feel even sicker,really..i remember going to do an assignment there 10 years ago and it looked newer than its current status..where the hell is our health budget going?

so, i finally reached the blessed oftomologi department (that "f" seriously bugs me man..) and i have to take a number. to take a number. no, it aint deja vu, thats what ya gotta do - take a fucking number to register, to get another number! (strike 3) so i waited..and waited...and waited...after about an hour and a half, the nurse finally comes out to tell me, "eh, doctor is doing operation lah, you wait ah!" "how long will it take do you think?" "you just waittttt.." "no,i've been waiting for ages, how long?""err..about one hour, like that lah.." (in doctor speak, that means at least another 2 hours..) (strike 4 and i'm out!)

wednesday: decided to go see Lim Eye Specialist in SS2. you only have an hour window of opputunity to go make an appointment and on wednesday it was between 4-5pm.iwas there by 3.45. still had to wait about 45 minutes.go in for eye check then wait another 1/2 hour. then they called my name. to go from the waiting room to wait outside his door.then i finally got called in. he does not look up as i go in. i wait.he does not look up for the next ten minutes to greet or anything.he continues looking at his damn computer which at that point i am ready to pull out of the damn socket and stuff up his arse..along with the poker thats already in there.but i breathe,and i wait. finally he looks up at me then looks at his note card which the nurse summarised my condition on. he immediately asks me "you wear contacts?" "yes" "you can take your contacts and throw them away forever!" (in my brain-"what the..?") "yes, you come and do lasik with me"

at that point im thinking, all doctors are fucking fuckwits but this one really really takes the cake.by the end of the 2 minute consultation, he not only DIDNT manage to tell me what was wrong with my eye but also managed to fit in the words "lasik surgery" about 5 times. he told me my eye was irregular. i was like "huh?whats that?does that mean its scratched?" "no. it's IRREGULARRRRRRR"he condescendingly said. i didnt know whether to laugh or cry. he charged me 150 bucks. i cried.

yesterday: decided enough was bloody enough. went to the big boys. TUN HUSSEIN ONN EYE HOSPITAL. im too tired right now to go into the details but suffice to say that even though i had to wait 8 hours to see the doc, he was wonderful. Dr. Pall Singh. annnnnddd there was this cute male nurse who put me thru this really trippy eye machine that swirled around and had pretty lights..that was quite cool..


trippy eye machine.

turns out my right cornea is as scratched up as a vandalised car. after many years of contact lens usage, the eye gets dry.(dont worry, thats normal,every contact lens wearer knows this)but mine just got dry-ER. hence every little bit of dust that went in or when sleeping with air con ended up scratching my cornea so thats why i was losing my eyesight. so, no contacts indefinitely and no driving for at least 2-3 months..3 eyedrops that taste like shit and a fucking eye patch!!!i look like a bloody extra from the pirates of the carribean..no,actually, not even that cool..its more like Arnold Swarzenegger in his 2nd or 3rd installment of the Terminator...you know, with that weird metal plastic thing...oh woe is me...


im gonna bring eye patches into fashion man, just watch..*grin*

footnote:dont go to the ss2 one.he sucks.big time. and i hate dissing people. but hes really shit. hes like a big fucking bleary eyed chinaman who wants to print money more than he wants to help people.ANNNDDD he has my surname. ughhh..

we've got i-pod jeans but we cant make brushing teeth easier?!

we do..the jeans are going to sell for us200 bucks and it comes complete with earphones, pocket with click wheel and a red ribbon so the pod doesnt fall out..dumbest thing i ever heard..

so i was trying to brush my teeth this morning and let me tell ya, there is nothing more frustrating than trying your darndest to squeeze out toothpaste from an almost empty toothpast tube..i mean you've got the crusty bits all at the top, and so the gooey toothpaste in the bottom wants to be let out but the crusty part wont let it..so then i tried to let it build pressure so it would pop out the top in one big spurt but all that came out was a dissapinting drizzle, (harder than making a certain male appendage do the same thing, let me tell ya!) all this while the faucet was on and for some reason i get nervous when the faucet's on cos of the whole save the water thing so i proceed to drop my toothbrush, the toothpaste that was on it naturally slipped off onto the floor, i slipped on the damn toothpaste and bumped my head. All this before my a.m. cuppa joe..sighhhhh....

annnways,work's been shit..good shit though cos it means im not running the company into bankruptcy,right?(yay!two thumbs up) and oh yeah, went to a pole dancing party last weekend..now, i say pole dancing but it was more like a stage set up with a couple o' coat hangers more than anything else, but kudos to their marketing cos the turnup was great..the wannabe dancers, however, weren't..ok girls, reminder lah k?let's just go thru this one last time..slutty is not sexy..its a very very fine line that you must not cross..cos if not, then im sorry, you've passed the Angelina Jolie stateline and hit Pamela Andersonville.

by the way,cut my hair..how ah?ok ah?im using way less shampoo so i guess its a good thing..:P


shit man, so vain..

littering - disgusting act orrrrr creates jobs?

driving me: eep! i cant believe you just threw your empty cig pack out the window!thats terrible!

passenger her: you throw your ciggie butt out the window dont you?

me: yes..but..

her: so if you throw your ciggie butt out the window, and the government is already hiring road sweepers to sweep the road, would it really be so difficult for them to sweep up a ciggarette box?

sighhhhhhh...